That’s the question I am most often asked now.
Understandably so, given it has only been one month since my Dad’s passing and my parents were together for more than 50 years.
“Mum is doing ok” is my reply.
And she is.
During the last 6 months that we cared for Dad, as his care needs increased, we resolved to support Mum to continue to live her life, to retain her identity and her place in the community so that her identity wasn’t exclusively defined by her role as main carer for my Dad.
No stopping Mum. 
Mum has always been very active.
She was a teacher and she retired at 72…yes 72! That was 4 years ago.
Granted she was teaching part time by then, but her passion and joy for educating children was what gave her life fulfillment.
In ‘retirement’ Mum became busier than ever, fulfilling all sorts of voluntary roles in the community, attending classes and catching up with friends who had also retired.
But as Dad’s memory declined and especially as his dependence on her increased, she had to withdraw from many of her community commitments.
We did what we could to ensure Mum still caught up with her friends for coffee or lunch or her bridge classes.
It was really important that Mum kept her own identity, especially in the last 6 months of Dad’s time with us, as his care needs were high and he needed supervision all the time. Mum’s role as main carer was all consuming.
But now, just a month after Dad’s passing and still grappling with the loss of her life partner, Mum is regaining confidence and adjusting to this life without Dad.
She continues to meet her friends for lunch, to attend bridge classes and this week has flown across to the other side of Australia, by herself, to visit my sister and her family.
Looking to the future.
Mum is optimistic about her future and more self-assured in her choices and abilities.
I am sure that this transition for Mum has been somewhat easier because she maintained those connections throughout the time she was also caring for Dad.
Though loss is painfully consuming and meaning is often clouded, life moves forward.
To live life after loss requires strength of spirit, a steadfast belief that life after loss is possible and an optimism that the days will indeed become better.
Mum, I salute you! You give me strength. Thank you xx
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